Hit the Books: Strong Willed 4

Chapter 4 addresses the common errors parents can make during this training process.  (I am sure I need to be trained as much if not more than my children do!)

p99- "There is no more ineffective method of controlling human beings (of all ages) than the use of irritation and anger."

p100- "Disciplinary action influences behavior; anger does not....Adult anger produces a destructive kind of disrespect in the minds of our children.  They perceive that our frustration is caused by our inability to control the situation."

p101- "...anger often becomes a tool used consciously for the purpose of influencing behavior.  It is ineffective and can be damaging to the relationship."

p107- "You don't need anger to control children.  You do need action occassionally."

p107- "In fact, the closer the action (you take as parent) moves to the front of the conflict, the less punishment is required."

Hit the Books: Strong Willed 3

Continuing in my reading of The Strong-Willed Child, by James Dobson

p61- The overall objective... is to teach the child that his actions have inevitable consequences.

Chapter 3 deals with protecting the spirit.  How do you shape your child's will while preserving their spirit intact?  That is a very good question.

p78- It is accomplished by establishing reasonable boundaries and enforcing them with love...while avoiding any implication that the child is unwanted, unnecessary, foolish, etc...

It is good to know that the goals are, but how do you get there?  Chapter 4 addresses the common errors that many parents make in this process.

Hit The Books 2010: Wuthering Heighs

I have mentioned before that my in-laws got Hubby and me a Kindle for Christmas.  Most of my reading material comes from the 19th century, and I have discovered that many classic books are available for free for the kindle.  Wuthering Heights is one such book.

I ended up watching the movie with Laurence Olivier over the holidays.  The book goes into a lot more detail about the relationships and actions of the various characters.  I found Heathcliff to be a completely unsympathetic character.  I am not sure if he is even supposed to be considered the hero.  He is malevolent and driven to destroy everyone around him.  Mostly I found him tiresome.  Very similar to Emma, by Jane Austen. 

Mean, bullying characters do not interest me. 

Finished Book

For Christmas, my in-laws gave Hubby and me a Kindle.  It is so cool!  Plus, I have discovered that many of the classics are free to download, from Amazon or from Gutenberg.org or from ManyBooks.net.
This morning I finished reading Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley.  It has been a long time since I read this book.  It is hard to believe that Mary Shelley wrote that story at 19.  There were a few plot twists I had forgotten.  Definitely a good book.  But now, back to my assignment! 

Hit the Books: Strong- Willed 2

Quotes from Chapter 2 of The Strong-Willed Child, by Dr. James Dobson

p30- When a child behaves in ways that are disrespectful or harmful to himself or others, his hidden purpose is often to verify the stability of the boundaries.

p31- Guidelines for parents
      1- define the boundaries before they are enforced
      2- when defiantly challenged, respond with confident decisiveness
      3- distinguish between willful defiance and childish irresponsibility
      4- reassure and teach after the confrontation is over
      5- avoid impossible demands
      6- let love be your guide

p41- Have the courage to lead the child without being harsh or mean or gruff.

p56- There is no substitute for parental modeling of the attitudes we wish to teach.

p57- ...we can't instill those attitudes during a brief, 2-minute bedtime prayer or during formalized training sessions.  We must live them from morning to night.

Important thoughts to consider.  We have had some moments of tantrum, and both my husband and I have worked hard to maintain our temper.  Small improvements are being made.  This is a learning process for all of us.

Hit the Books: Strong-Willed Chapter 1

Some quotes from The Strong-Willed Child, by James Dobson.  These are things I want to think about and keep in mind in the future.

Introduction:

page 10: "Most parents have at least one such youngster who seems to be born with a clear idea of how he wants the world to be operated and an intolerance for those who disagree."

Chapter 1:

page 15: a paraphrase from Hebrews, "An undisciplined child feels like an illegitimate son or daughter, not even belonging to his family."

page 15: "Boys and girls care about the issue of "who's toughest."

page 16: "Children will occasionally disobey for the precise purpose of testing the determination of those in charge."

page 18: "The ultimate paradox of childhood is that boys and girls want to be led by their parents, but insist that their mothers and fathers earn the right to lead them."

page 23: "Differences in temperament between children lay the foundation of serious sibling rivalry and resentment."

page 24: "Treat your child with sincere love and dignity, but require him to follow your leadership.  Choose carefully the matters which are worthy of confrontation, then accept his challenge on those issues and win decisively."

These are a few of the good ideas from Dr. Dobson that I want to note.  This is the first time I have had a strong-willed child, and we are all on a learning curve here.  May God help us and guide us all along this path.

Quotation

"Though we cannot force anyone into a saving faith, we should pray to be used by the Holy Spirit to present biblical truths to those who have embraced theological error."

-Bill McKeever, MRM Update, December 2009